Tossing My Plans Out the Window

If you know me well, then you know I like to be in control. I’m a planner and a list maker, and I like checking things off that list fairly quickly. When life doesn’t go according to my plan, I can often feel like things are spinning out of control.

For example, my birthday is this Wednesday. I typically love my birthday, but this year, I’ve honestly been kind of down about it. Deep down I’ve been thinking, “I was supposed to be a mom by now.” When Stephen and I got married at the ripe age of 21, I assumed we would have our first child by 25, the second by age 27–28, and the third in our early thirties. I knew adoption would be included in there somewhere, I just didn’t know when.

Obviously we don’t have kids yet, and my plans of three by our early thirties may be a little too ambitious now. (But who knows? I’m learning God chuckles when I start making plans.)

So now I’m (very, very, very slowly) learning to relinquish control and say, “God, your plans are so much better than anything I can imagine. I don’t see the full picture yet, but I know you are good and you love me.” This journey we’ve been on the last two-plus years—fertility problems, praying for a family, starting the adoption process, waiting—has drawn me closer to God. The Lord and I talk a whole lot—sometimes I’m angry and cry, sometimes I ask questions, sometimes I plead, and sometimes I just sit and be still. But each time I thank Him for being a good father who listens to me and loves me. And it leads me to wonder: Would I have drawn closer to the Lord if my life had gone according to my detailed, meticulous plan? Would I have a desire to talk to my Heavenly Father on a regular, day-to-day basis? I really don’t know. Maybe this relationship is a part of His plan.

If you’re reading this, will you pray in these four ways? I love when people give me specific things to pray for, and I wanted to do the same.

  1. Pray for us to trust in the Lord’s timing. We know that one day we’ll look back at and thank God for His goodness and provision. We’re confident that one day we’ll hold our child and say, “This is who we were waiting on.” But actually waiting is easier said than done. Pray for us to continue trusting in the Lord’s perfect timing.
  2. Pray for us to find joy in the wait. We may be waiting two more years or two more weeks. Who knows? I sometimes find myself feeling sad and anxious as the days go on and on and on. Please pray that we enjoy this time we have to spend as just the two of us. Pray for our marriage to be strengthened, for our friendships with others to be rejuvenated and our lives to be filled with joy.
  3. Pray for the woman who is either currently expecting or who will become pregnant. I pray for our future child’s birth mother every day. It’s hard to do that, because I don’t have a name or a face to attach to those prayers. Please join us in praying for her. I ask God to keep her healthy and safe. I pray she realizes how brave and courageous she is. I ask God to show her how loved she is and how strong she is, and I ask Him to comfort her and give her strength.
  4. Pray for the child who will one day be part of our family. We’re so excited to become parents. But we know and understand that our child, even if adopted at birth, will experience loss. Please pray for the physical and mental development of our future child—that he or she is healthy and strong. Pray that we are parents who love deeply, practice wise discipline and model Christ’s love.



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