Almost one year, on February 13, 2017, Stephen and I walked in the front doors of an adoption agency for an informational meeting. We were armed with lots of questions and way too many preconceived ideas about adoption. We had no idea what we were getting into, and needless to say, we were completely clueless.
If I could go back in time and talk to that hopeful, scared and clueless girl, I would give her a loving smack on the forehead and say, “Breathe. Relax. It’s going to be OK.”
And then I would tell her that waiting was going to be excruciating. I’d warn her that heartache was going to happen, that there would be days where she didn’t want to get out of bed, and nights filled with tears. I’d warn her that one day an expectant mom would say, “not them,” and her heart would feel crushed and she may forget how to breathe. But then, in the next breath, I’d tell her that waiting would be life-giving and encouraging. I would tell her that friends and family members would show up to support in ways she could never imagine. I’d tell how she would grow closer to her husband, and learn to trust the Lord even more. I’d tell her about how she would grow, mature and learn to be content no matter the circumstances. And then I would tell her that one day, when she least expects it, she’s going to get a call that will change everything. I’d tell her that one day she’s going to hold that baby, and every tear, every longing, every heartache, every joy—it would all make sense.
Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. I don’t know what you’re waiting on—a baby, a spouse, a job, etc. But I believe that God is fully present in our waiting—that He sees our tears, our struggles and heartache. Nothing is unseen by Him, and nothing is meaningless. My pain and heartache were not meaningless—through it, the Lord drew me closer to Him, making me rely on Him for my joy and strength and peace. As I look back over the last year—the days I cried and doubted, the days I rejoiced and praised—I find myself tearing up with gratitude for how the Lord worked in my life. Yes, He answered my prayers and gave me the child I prayed so long for. But He also matured me and drew me into a deeper relationship with Him, and for that, I am so thankful.
Photos by Brianna Lynn Heckert Photography